2023

The doctors at my doctor’s surgery kept talking to me in a manner that I could not understand.  I asked to be referred to a psychologist because I could not understand why I was being treated this way. I started to go in 2010. The psychologist abused me.  Over 18 months.

In 2019 I saw a doctor at the doctor’s surgery who suddenly sat bolt upright and said there is nothing on your medical notes nothing at all. I was talking about Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Extensive Adhesions that had stuck my bowel to my back. I asked her to read letters on my medical notes, that were on her computer from 2008 and 2009/2010 from gynaecologists. After she had read them, she then said, we do not read past paragraph 1 and it does not mean we admit anything. These letters have been on my medical notes since shortly after I saw the gynaecologists who had diagnosed Extensive Adhesions and Adenomyosis. This meeting was recorded, I have been recording meetings since 2012.

I was also diagnosed with Endometriosis in 1998, a letter has been on my medical notes since then.

In 2011 the psychologist asked me to take in the letters from the gynaecologists. 

He cannot have told the doctors at the doctor’s surgery I was telling the truth and had been diagnosed with Adenomyosis and Extensive Adhesions and to read their medical notes. Did he mention Endometriosis to them? He once told me he was ringing them up to discuss what Endometriosis was.

In 2012 I had access to my doctors’ medical notes and the psychologist medical notes. The psychologist does not mention Adhesions or Adenomyosis but did mention Endometriosis once. I also read that the doctors were referring me to the phycologist because nothing was ever found, the doctors did not discuss with me, this is what they thought, until 2019. This is not why I asked to be referred, so why did the doctor write nothing is ever found?

The psychologist knew this is what the doctor had written but did not tell me.

Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Extensive Adhesions are not nothing is ever found.  I told Police etc about Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Extensive Adhesions but did nobody read my medical notes even though they were given them. Nobody believed me.

Before I was given an appointment with psychology, the psychology department ask you to fill in a form. I wrote about Endometriosis, Extensive Adhesions and Adenomyosis. But I did not know the doctors from the doctor’s surgery had written nothing is ever found. The psychologist did.   

I do not know who to turn to and trust as no one believed I was telling the truth.  I was abused by a psychologist who wanted people to believe I was delusional; he and a doctor had decided in 2011.

I have been through so much, because doctors at the doctor’s surgery thought nothing was ever found instead of reading my medical notes and believing what I was telling them.  I was being treated the way they were because they did not believe me and that is what the psychologist wanted them to continue to believe so he could abuse me. I did/do not want him to abuse anyone else, but I do not know who is going to believe me and help. Why are the doctors at the doctors surgery not doing the right thing, now they know I am telling the truth?

 

Have you been abused but not believed by those that should?

2017

Are you struggling with the trauma of being abused and the trauma of not being believed, ignored and more?

Have you been abused by a psychologist in the north of England? Have you been abused by a psychologist anywhere?  Not believed by those that should. Or not able to tell anyone for fear of what that person will do if you did or fear of not being believed and/or you think it is your fault.

I do not need details, it’s traumatic enough and also for legal reasons, there may be similar things that happened to me. Maybe for now you would like to get in touch with someone who understands what you have been through, believes you, listens, cares and does not judge.

You are not alone, abuse by a therapist does happen. It was not your fault. You are not to blame. You are not alone if you have also been through or are going through the added trauma of not being believed.

I am hoping someday to stop this happening to anyone else, hoping to help prevent it happening to anyone else before they feel they cannot leave.

They had or have the power over you, you are not to blame. Saying that there are times when this is difficult and blaming myself can take hold , if only I had left but it’s not like that. You can not leave, he had control, he could write or say what ever he wanted, if I did or told anyone. He once got a folder, at least 5 inches thick saying he was just getting my  folder out. He got it out of a filing cabinet, flicked through it, making some odd noises to himself and moving his head as if he was looking for something. I did not realise at the time but I think it was all about fear and he was a psychologist, a very clever, powerful, controlling man who enjoyed the power. He still does enjoy the power over me because other people believe him.  I don’t want it to happen to anyone else but I know he will and has. He knows exactly how to abuse someone and cover it up, right from day one.  His medical notes I finally received several months after I last saw him where not like the ones he took out of the cabinet that day, they were not as thick and are 3/4 full of lies and inaccuracies.

I saw the psychologist because I knew I was hurting emotionally and physically. I had been diagnosed with Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, I had had extensive adhesions removed that had kinked my bowel and stuck it to my back, I had/have several cysts in both ovaries, yet my G,p’s at the doctor’s surgery were treating me in a way that I could not understand why. I later found out, when the abuse by the psychologist was being, supposedly, investigated, that the G.P wrote, “nothing is ever found,” to the psychologist. As it took several months for a copy of his medical notes to be given to me and the so called investigation was well underway when I tried to tell  people I was ignored and being too traumatised by what had happened and suffering from the effects of how he did it, it was difficult to process this and everything he had written. I feel stronger now but it is still very difficult.

Where the G.P’s dismissing everything gynaecologists wrote, don’t understand the excruiating burning, sharp pain and sometimes also shooting stabbing pains, endometriosis/adenomyosis causes, like having raw open wounds that my body feels like it is trying to get rid of, like being in labour, let alone the pain I had when I had adhesions making the pain worse and strangling my bowel, that’s what it felt like, I was told it had kinked and had stuck it to my back , I also felt a pulling to my right, then there is the exhaustion, tiredness etc, could they not read, I don’t know. But they did not believe me and what I was telling them, virtually the same thing every time I saw a G.P.

They were giving me morphine though and later pain management helped with Tramadol/Zydol XL and instant release. Before I saw the psychologist, I went on Zoladex which helped, not initially the pain got worse,  but this was the only way I was able to go on a long booked holiday to Florida, I also had the adhesions removed and a Leep by another Gynaecologist. G.P’s did not seem to believe even the Zoladex worked. I am not sure if the Endometriosis was removed during the three laparoscopies I had. But I wish I had not had the Zoladex as this mean’t the gynaecologist could not see active endometriosis, he removed the adhesions. I knew I was in pain but I did not believe myself or maybe believe in myself, (are these the same or different, I don’t know, what if they found nothing even though the pain was excruciating and even though I had already been told I had endometriosis by a Gynaecologist but G.P’s did not seem to believe me so I went on Zoladex, it worked but left a small amount of pain, that’s why I had a laparoscopy. I had adhesions, pulling to the right, strangling pain and then I just wished I’d not had Zoladex prior to the 2nd laparoscopy.

After the 3rd Laparoscopy I was told the only way to remove adenomyosis was a hysterectomy but I was struggling with this, if I had endometriosis elsewhere,Some of the pain is on my right hand side, goes around into my back and up to my waist and I think this is where adhesions were found, who would help if I was left with some pain.  Also all I could see was my mum’s love, this sounds silly but she never gave me any and this was a connection to her perhaps because I had had my own children to whom I love dearly. I kept breaking down crying at the thought of having my uterus removed. Also I had had a sygmoidoscopy done prior to adhesions being removed and the leep done without my consent and in the case of the sygmoidoscopy without a bowel prep, so who could I trust. After I last saw the Psychologist I found out my G.P wrote,” nothing is ever found” despite endometriosis having been found by a previous Gynaecologist. So maybe this is why he did a sygmoidoscopy before finding Adhesions. That’s why I went to find another gynaecologist. They thought they would find nothing, I was being spoken too in a manner I could not understand, then they would find something and afterwards it felt like they were blaming me. I wish I had know my G.P just thought nothing is ever found. The 3rd Gynaecologist was told this and also he did a leep without my consent and I was treated with no respect generally. I was told after I had left the hospital and on a return checkup I had adenomyosis. But my G.P still treated me in a way I could not at the time understand.

I thought the reason my doctors surgery were not believing me and talking to me the way they were, (dismissing , saying it was IBS, I had better snap out of it, etc. One G.P was really off  hand and my daughter left crying asking me why did she speak to me like that. I told my daughter I don’t know, I could not understand myself.  I had done nothing wrong but I just blamed myself , something I had always done and something I was always made to feel…..it always seemed to be my fault. Sometimes I think it would be easier just to blame myself. I now think I had/have no self-belief, self confidence either. I had/have a fear of what if nothing was found despite being in physical pain, doctors were making this emotionally worse. I thought the emotional hurt I felt had something to do with my childhood. I could not understand, I was blaming myself. I wish I’d known my G.P’s were writing “nothing is ever found” even though it was found, but why?

I could not understand why I was being treated the way I was by G.P’s at the doctors surgery until I asked to read a letter from the first gynaecologist,who I had seen years before the pain got worse and I started to see G.P’s at the doctors surgery. After my first laparoscopy the gynaecologist did not tell me I had endometriosis. I later was told by the first G.P at the doctors surgery who did understand. He asked how was the gynaecologist treating it and I asked treating what?But rather than saying he was wrong, not telling me and offering treatment the gynaecologist  wrote not a very nice letter to my doctors surgery, saying he did not tell me and I bullied him into giving me treatment. I would not bully anyone and at the time I could not see the Gynaecologist was wrong not telling me I had endometriosis.

From then on I was obviously not believed but endometriosis, adenomyosis and adhesions are all written down in the G.P’s medical notes. At the time I could not understand that the gynaecologist was wrong to write what he did but instead I blamed myself and it hurt as it was not true. It hurt the way I was being treated and spoken to by G.P’s and by gynaecologists and I could not understand they were wrong not myself. I sometimes feel it would just be easier to blame myself, I sometimes do. Why could he have not just said sorry he did not tell me instead of writing what he did. He said I am a bully, I tried to bully him into giving me treatment, I could not bully anyone. He said he advised Zoladex, he did not he told me to get pregnant or go on the contraception pill. What is wrong with telling someone they have endometriosis anyway, it is not serious like cancer but it is very excrutiating.

My doctors surgery were writing to gynaecologists nothing is ever found and I was being treated like I was mad, then the gynaecologists were finding things wrong and blaming me. The emotional hurt was getting worse, blaming myself was getting worse. I did not know my doctors surgery were writing “nothing is ever found” to gynaecologists when it was. I could not understand why I was being treated and spoken to  the way I was. I did not know until I read my medical notes, after what the psychologist did what he did, that this is what they were writing.  I did not know this is what they had written to the psychologist until after I left. Why did they and do they still not believe me. I have recently been asked to go in for an internal as I am in pain and the doctors surgery is giving me pain relief….why would they say that knowing what I have been through with the psychologist and I have been diagnosed with endometriosis/adenomysis/adhesions so I don’t need diagnosing. Why do they still not believe me? Why will they not admit they were wrong? It is written on their medical notes so why do they keep writing and saying nothing is ever found, ibs etc.

The psychologist said he believed in me I thought this mean’t he believed me. But that’s confusing I don’t know if he did or did not believe me. I do not understand why did he do what he did if he believed me. I thought he had been told I had endometriosis/adenomyosis/adhesions. After I told the psychologist, when I first saw him, he said the doctors/gynaecologists  were wrong to treat me the way they had, to say what they had. The psychologist wanted to understand endometriosis/adenomyosis so he rang the doctors surgery, I now know he would have been told nothing was ever found. But that’s not what he told me.

From what I have read and been told the doctors were lying to the psychologist. The psychologist was lying to them. But the psychologist knew I was telling the truth. He asked me to take in copies of letters from Gynaecolgists at the end of 2010 or January 2011 and what I had written down about everything that had been said to me by G.P’s. The letters from gynaecologists came from my doctors surgery in 2010 and I also got another copy of them in 2012/2013 from them. So if he was agreeing with the G.P nothing is ever found and I was telling him about endometriosis etc what do the G.P’s think. What did he tell the G.P? It feels like he was using us against each other. In Autumn 2010 he told me he was going to ring up my GP and ask them what Endometriosis was. I did not know at that point they thought and had written to him, “Nothing is ever found”. The psychologist did not tell me that is what they thought. It was after this the psychologist started to change in October 2010 and he got angrier and worse in January 2011.

Non of the above has been investigated. The lady who investigated and employed the psychologist did not read my medical notes from the doctors surgery so she would not believe what I wrote, had told the psychologist about endometriosis/adenomyosis. I don’t know if the Police read it and if they did why was it dismissed. I was/am telling the truth. Why didn’t anyone realise the doctors surgery had made mistakes. I have asked for information about the so called investigation and have been ignored. I have asked for the minutes to the meeting, they wrote back saying they have gone missing.

Endometriosis/adenomyosis causes pain. A reason why  I did not want what the psychologist took from me, what he did to me. I have evidence I was/am not lying. So why has this never been investigated/dismissed/ignored along with everything else I have told them. One place I have endometriosis/adenomyosis is on my cervix. Prior to seeing the psycologist a G.P told me I bled easily, she did not care how much pain I was in or listen, it ‘s like a raw open wound being scraped, she did not realise it was endometriosis/adenomyosis.

A therapist I paid to see privately said I had overwhelming evidence. It was victim support who put me in touch with her, even though the police had not believed me, this mean’t a lot and keeps me going now because victim support did believe me. The therapist also told me to keep my head up high, this had helped me a lot. But why have those that investigated ignored everything  I have tried to tell them. The distress of him hurting anyone else is immense, I cry everyday.

The psychologist knew I have endometriosis, I talked to him about everything but was he talking to doctors who did not believe me. Did he not believe me, it felt like he did. I feel angry sometimes, it’s like the G.P’s put me in danger allowing the psychologist to hurt me knowing he could hide behind the G.P’s beliefs, lies and mistakes. Yet endometriosis/adenomyosis/adhesions are all written down at the G.P’s surgery, I don’t understand, don’t they read, did they not believe gynaecologists diagnosis, they did not believe me. Why do they not believe me if it’s written in their medical notes? Several cysts in both ovaries is also written on one gynaecologists notes seen during a scan but not at my G.P’s surgery.

Somehow it now feels like the psychologist wanted me to think he believed me, feel it but the feelings are confusing. Then it’s like he wanted me to please him, give him what he did to me. In return….. or else……Does that mean it was my fault. Wanting to be believed and helped and then being abused by the psychologist.

I have not been listened too and not believed by those that should. But a therapist, victim support put me in touch with her and I  paid to see privately, as no one was believing me, said I have done all I can, she said she believed me.

I am here to listen to you, I will believe you.  Abuse by a therapist does happen, you are not to blame, it was not your fault. You are not alone.

Physical pain eg pelvic pain whether of unknown cause or diagnosed does not mean you can be abused by a psychologist. Respect from G.P’s, even if no known cause is found should happen shouldn’t it?

I do not want anyone else abused by the psychologist but it’s distressing  to think he has and is and there doesn’t seem to be any more I can do but keep telling my G.p’s, hoping they will do the right thing.

Living each day with hope. Hoping to be believed and stop this happening to anyone else.

Part 2

Have you had medical notes, investigation notes, minutes from a meeting, gone “missing”? Have you been constantly ignored by those that should listen and believe you? Have you had meetings re-worded? Was a partner/husband told to go to a meeting for an initial chat only to find out they called it the main investigation meeting. I was not there so how, my husband also said nothing was discussed to call it that and he was not told. The minutes from this meeting have, we have been told, “gone missing”. If the people who did investigate believed the psychologist how can they do a proper investigation. The lady who did the, so called, investigation employed him.

Have you had medical notes changed? I told pain management I had to stop taking a drug because it seem to stop the pain relief working and I had excruciating Endometriosis/ Adenmyosis pain again as if I was not on pain killers. On my notes it is written I stopped taking it because I was suicidal. My Doctors still will not acknowledge I have/had endomeriosis/adenmyosis/adhesions, even though it is written on their notes, they have never mentioned the words to me. If they acknowledge that they will have to admit they were wrong in telling the psychologist and gynaecologist’s “nothing is ever found” and in turn that changes everything. I did not ask to be referred because nothing is ever found. It is proof I did not want what the psychologist did to me and I am not as he wrote, I am telling the truth. I asked to be referred because I was frightened nothing would be found despite things being found and I thought it had something to do with my childhood. Now I know what the G.P’s were/are thinking, was why they wrote nothing is ever found. None of this has been investigated.

Part 3

I am not sure if this is evidence. Have you seen a solicitor because you were not believed and did not want it to happen to anyone else. The solicitors tell you they know it is not about the money. They tell you they believe you and how abuse by a psychologist is being more believed and people are being heard. They apologise for what you went through, give you hope. Well that’s what they told me. They the change in order to get money and they don’t care how they do it.

Towards the end, the last few weeks things escalated, did they try to make you look like a liar or make you look like a liar?

In the beginning the solicitor tests you and then gain emotional control in a subtle way at first. From the way they talk to test you to see if you respond and how, just once in the beginning then gradually they change their tactics, they gain more and more emotional control.  I blanked her and later them, as the solicitor got a barrister, she said to help me. They know you are vulnerable and susceptible, they also know you are traumatised by what you have been through. They know what others think and they also use what others think and you have been through. It’s like playing on what has happened to you and also how you have not been believed. The solicitor was following an all too familiar path. Playing on how abuse happens, using it to their advantage not to abuse you, although it hurts, but to gain control and money for themselves. But again I just blanked it, it wasn’t really happening, it’s like it is happening to someone else. The solicitor was telling you what to do, what to give them. They in turn give you less and less information about what is happening. Just telling you what to do. Talking to you in more and more difficult to understand ways, like you had done something wrong but you had not. They were gaining more and more full control by being more, I want this and I want it now, so I would travel to take things to them weather convenient or not, I later realised after they had a van of their own to take things to people and pick up to take to their office, but they didn’t let me know. The way they talk to you when they do but only talking when they want to and getting less and less.

This was not meant to happen but you blank it. All too familiar. When I realised what was happening in the last few weeks it was too late to stop it, but I tried. It was like being in a traumatised world trying to survive. I did not want the solicitor to get money by making me look like a liar. That wasn’t how it was in the beginning. The emotional hurt and pain adding to the trauma, hurt and pain from the abuse by the psychologist and not being believed from others. Thinking about it now, if the police could not or did not want to proove it how can a solicitor. All I thought was not letting abuse from a psychologist happen to anyone else.

In the beginning the psychologist said he believed in me. I thought this meant he believed me. Then he began to change and he then he raped and abused me. The solicitor said she believed me too. How can the solicitor prove anything if the Police did not believe me, the HCPC and NHS. Why didn’t I think of this? All I want/wanted is for it not to happen to anyone else.

Did you have to see someone in the NHS on behalf of the Solicitor? I don’t remember why they said I had to see her but thinking about it now it doesn’t make sense. Why would my solicitor advise that when I was abused by a NHS employee. The NHS don’t want this to come out. The lady who saw me re- worded the meetings, an all too familiar story. She also took what the Psychologist had written as true but it was ¾ full of lies, inaccuracies etc. She came to the conclusion he was negligent from his notes. But he wasn’t negligent, he abused and raped me and this is criminal. Is that all the solicitor could hope for negligent, was it better than nothing. That’s not how I saw it, I did not want the money, I told the solicitor to burn it if I got any. Part of me is wondering if the NHS contacted the solicitor earlier in regard to how everything was going, to court I thought, to change the way things were going to keep this quiet?

I would not, now, see what the solicitor did if I had not been abused by the psychologist. See the all too familiar path….

Does the solicitor have a set agenda or is every case different? Is that why they ask for everything no matter how trivial I think it is, for evidence they say. To see how I was abused by the psychologist. How I was also abused in my childhood. How to get what they want to use you for their own gain? How stupid I feel, when I first saw the solicitors I told her it is not about the money but stopping him hurting anyone else. Several months later she told me she understands it is not about the money but stopping this happening to anyone else but now I realise to them it is about the money, isn’t it?

I tried to get help about the solicitor but was not believed. Someone who rang me up, not those who did not believe me, asked me a question, I answered and then they said “I am not the only one to say that”…….

Have you seen a solicitor and had the same thing happen to you?