I Have received a message and in it, it commented that spelling mistakes lose credibility. I do not understand this, as what has that got to do with being abused by a psychologist! It does not matter about spelling, punctuality etc. when you have been through trauma.
Written 2019…..As previously mentioned in my last post, some time ago I saw a solicitor hoping to stop the Psychologist hurting anyone else. I have recently watched a TV program about how, when seeing a solicitor, you should tell a solicitor what to do. Well, how come the solicitor spent the whole time telling my husband and I what to do. She once rang up and told me it was very urgent, I took everything down to the office, she wanted it now, books, drawings I had showed the psychologist, my medical notes, everything. No matter how small I thought it was she wanted everything that was connected to the psychologist. She said the smallest thing could help me. Her office was ¾ hour away and now I know she had her own delivery van. So why did she not send this to collect everything instead of my husband & I dropping everything to take it down to her that day. She did not tell me why she wanted it urgently.
I do not know, to this day, if she sent everything back as I received a box, via the ombudsman and have not opened it. But I knew a painting that I had done was not in the box, it was too big, unless she had folded it up. This was returned later again via an ombudsman who I contacted again when I thought she had not sent it back. I went to the ombudsman, who did not believe me, because I realised the solicitor was not about stopping the psychologist hurting anyone else, but money and she did not care how she got it! Thank fully I stopped it before she could do this, and she did not get any money! She too must have believed what the person/s from the NHS told her and she did not read my medical notes from my doctor’s surgery to find out I was/am telling the truth. Or maybe she would do anything to get money and did believe me, as she said in the beginning, but decided she would go along with whatever the person who investigated it in the NHS & doctors at the doctor’s surgery said about me. Exactly how the psychologist was able to get away with abusing me….turning everything inside out and upside down, as I keep telling people.
Written 2022….. Please do not judge me before you have read this. I know what it is like to be judged and not believed. I do not know what to do or who to speak to as those that should have not believed me, Police etc., now my doctors know I am telling the truth, but they will not tell anyone that they were wrong.
It was not until 2018 and I found out that the doctors at the Doctors surgery and I also now know pain clinic, thought Endometriosis/Adenomyosis (Endometriosis in the uterus) and Extensive Adhesions were not on my medical notes, and I was not diagnosed with them! This explains why I could not understand why the doctor wrote “nothing is ever found” when I was telling them it had been…. they were not believing me and thought I was delusional, as I was described by the psychologist & a doctor at the doctor’s surgery, they were speaking to each other. But it was the doctors at my surgery and pain clinic who were believing “nothing was ever found” and not believing what I said….. until a doctor read my medical notes in 2018! They were telling everyone else that I did not have them
A couple of doctors also told me I am convinced I have Endometriosis (this is written in my medical notes), I do not have Endometriosis etc, why would they say this when I was diagnosed with this? Some doctors at my doctor’s surgery are now saying (in 2021) we knew you had endometriosis after I was told I did not. They did not believe I had Adenomyosis and Extensive Adhesions. The Psychologist knew I was/am telling the truth he saw the letters from the gynecologists as he asked me to take them in in 2010 or very beginning of 2011, (I left end of 2011) so he must have been telling people I did not have them, as my doctors thought even though he knew I did? When you are first referred to a phycologist you have to write why you want to go and I wrote about Endometriosis, Adenomyosis & Extensive Adhesions. But a doctor wrote nothing is ever found to the phycologist.
Written 2017….Every day I cry, it is like overwhelming sadness. Sometimes I wake up crying. I cannot seem to get anyone to help, I do not want anyone else hurt by the psychologist. I just do not understand why they do not believe me about this or Endometriosis/Adenomyosis & Extensive Adhesions. I am traumatized by what the psychologist did but have to cope on my own. My daughters help but it is not the same as being believed by those that should. Not being believed hurts.
Written 2019…..I do not understand why, for many years now, when I go to see a doctor at my doctors surgery or speak to a doctor at the doctors surgery on the phone there is something else!
I do not have a voice…
Written 2019…..
I am taking Tramadol for pain relief; my prescriptions are monthly. On several occasions, several years ago, after receiving my prescription for that month, 50 mg instant relief tramadol, I was also taking Morphine when needed, my husband would receive another text from Boots, two weeks later, saying my prescription was ready to collect…. more 50 mg Tramadol. The same amount of pain relief I had been given two weeks earlier. This happened for a few months and then stopped. I started to not request 50 mg every month so I could use the extra 50 mg pain relief they had given, I used along with the Morphine.
Then it started again, 2018. But now I was being given slow-release Tramadol 100 mg x 2 & 200 mg x 1 to take every day & 50 mg instant release Tramadol to take when needed. A fortnight after being give all this, my husband would receive another text from Boots, saying my prescription was ready to collect…. more 100 mg and 200 mg slow-release Tramadol & 50 mg instant release Tramadol. I was only supposed to receive them once a month not every fortnight. This went on for a couple of months and then stopped. Boots told my husband I had to have the second lot of pain relief, when he questioned it. Boots said it was my doctors doing it, and the receptionist at my doctors said it was Boots, when he enquired why! I was telling my husband to take it back. I am unable to request pain relief before the due date, once every month, so why for a few months was I being given 1200 mg instead of 600mg, 600mg twice a month, this is an overdose amount and very dangerous, it is a controlled drug?
Early in 2019, during a Doctor’s appointment at my Doctors Surgery, and after I spoke about the extra pain relief being given and asked why, I was told, there is no record in my medical notes of the extra pain relief I was given but not requested…Boots, prescription forms and my husband, who collected the pain relief and has all the texts telling him when prescriptions were ready to collect, are evidence I was.
2019…During a visit to pain management clinic I was sat with the pain nurse, I usually see, and she read out a letter, she said, was about the previous meeting we had had. It was completely different to the one I was holding in my hand that I had been sent from her about that meeting. The 2 letters about the same meeting were different. It was normal to be sent a letter after each Pain Clinic appointment. The nurse checked it and looked as shocked as I was! I took this letter in as this is not the first-time letters have been different and she has read out a different letter to the one I had at home that she had sent me. Some review letters I have been sent about the last meeting were not what was said in the meeting. I started recording meetings because of this and because of the way I was being spoken to by the doctors at the Doctors surgery, and had been for many years, after and before I got a referral to the Psychologist, and he abused me…. I now know they believed nothing was ever found and did not believe me!
2019…. Review for pain medication on the phone…. A Doctor spoke to me in an angry manor but all I did was tell him what pain relief I was taking, after he asked & possibly my symptoms of Endometriosis and Adenomyosis, the pain is always in the same places. My daughter asked her dad why he was letting that doctor speak to me like that.
Another review I was left very distressed by the manor of the doctor. I was in Morrisons car park as I had been waiting all day for him to ring for a review and needed to get my daughter. All meetings have been recorded for many years, one reason because of the way I was being spoken to by doctors at my doctor’s surgery.
2019…. I was at another pain clinic meeting when the pain nurse seemed different. She started to accuse me of only ever being told I could have 300mg of pain relief not up to 600 mg as I was being given, she had written it down as such, look she said etc. She said only 300 mg is written in my notes not 600 mg. She said she would not have got it wrong. Her tone of voice was very distressing, and she kept on repeating she did not offer up to 600mg. But she had. After several minutes of this, I told her I had recorded the meeting. Where she had said I could have up to 600mg, and she also said, as this is what they do in America! This felt odd thing to say about America. I do not understand why is she now saying this and talking to me this way?
I was told at a review at Pain Clinic by the nurse I usually see that people with **********, I cannot say what as I do not want to hurt anyone. I cannot remember exact words & how she described what they did without listening to the recordings again, moan and groan about every little thing but you are not like that! She did not say it in context to anything else and I was and still am a bit confusing as to why she felt she needed to say this. I do not have what she said so why bring it up? Why would she say this about another painful condition and coming from pain clinic?
Autumn/Winter 2019 my pain relief was cut by my doctor, they gave me less 50mg’s of the instant relief Tramadol. They did not discuss it with me first.
Pain relief review. I saw my doctor for my next pain review, she said, I could have Morphine. I did not ask for it, she offered it very soon after I went in there and had sat down. This seemed a little odd, why would she just offer me Morphine. I was once told by a doctor, (I think it was about 15 years ago ) that I could have an extra bottle of Morphine in case the pain got worse and I ran out, which will always stick with me as it was unusual of them to be like this. My husband said to the doctor that I needed to see Pain Clinic if she was offering Morphine; they had been the one to prescribe the pain relief in the first place. I was also co- incidentally bleeding every day and had done for 2 months…this went on for a few months more. I thought the doctor could tell how much pain I was in and needing more pain relief and so offered me Morphine, as I had not mentioned the pain to her. I told her after she had offered the Morphine, I was bleeding every day all month…. I thought she finally believed me.
My appointment was arranged to see pain clinic, but it was a different nurse as my main one had gone off sick. After my husband and I had discussed what the doctor had said and told her the doctor had offered Morphine, even before I had discussed the pain and the doctor knew I was bleeding every day, she said she would ring the Doctor before she could give me the Morphine and she would then ring my husband. After 2 months she still had not rang, so my husband rang her, he got an answer machine and left a message, no one rang. He rang again and the nurse we had seen, rang back saying the doctor had said leave the pain relief as it was. My husband replied, why when she suggested the Morphine. Upon speaking to the doctor, she said, that she had not spoken to pain clinic and told them this but a doctor at the pain clinic had said, leave it as it was. The nurse had said she was speaking to my doctor at the surgery who had mentioned Morphine. She had also asked me if I had told her I was bleeding every day and I replied, yes.
At my next appointment at pain clinic, I saw the pain nurse I usually see, who had come back from being sick and I was told was working occasionally. She said her nurse had spoken to my doctor at the Doctors surgery about it! The pain nurse also did not seem to know the doctor had offered me the Morphine as soon as I went in to see her and before she knew I was bleeding for so long.
The pain clinic nurse suddenly then said, well the Morphine did not work. I had been on it several years before and it did help. What, she has always known it did help but I changed to slow-release tramadol and instant relief when needed. The nurse at pain clinic said I could have Morphine again instead of 50 mg instant relief Tramadol, but I tried slow release the pain nurse had suggested as well as 50mg instant relief Tramadol instead of Morphine. Having slow-release Tramadol as well as instant release means I only need to take 50 mg instant release when needed and the 100 mg twice a day and 200 mg once a day slow release. (300 mg on a night and 100 mg in a morning works well along with 50 mg when needed). Taking only tablets out instead of a bottle was better. I did not know you could have slow release and was glad the nurse had suggested it. Taking slow release, it felt like I was more in control of the pain if this makes sense.
I have never said the Morphine did not help, it helped get through as I had no other choice as I was not being believed. I had a strangled bowel from adhesions that had stuck my bowel to my back, let alone Endometriosis/Adenomyosis. It helped immensely. I would take the Morphine with 50 mg Tramadol, with 2 hot water bottles & also due to exhaustion would sleep. In the summer wrapped up with a blanket I would sleep on a trampoline, other times on the sofa struggling to do anything including take my coat of which I left on and sleep in-between the school runs. I remember bleeding so heavy I would be covered within half an hour. Apart from forcing myself to drive and collect my daughter from school, some days not being able to do this and rang my husband up at work to go and get her, I was unable to do a lot of things. I kept going to the Doctors, but they did not believe me. If it had not been for the Morphine, I do not know how I would have got through the 18 months before they found Adhesions. 2008 or 2009 I took Zoladex, this also helped enormously with the pain. How do they think I got by for 18 months before Zoladex and when my doctors were not believing me and saying it was IBS and speaking to me in the way they were? I have had an intolerance to cows’ milk, the pain was nothing like the Adhesions, Endometriosis & Adenomyosis. I do not understand why the pain nurse changed to say Morphine did not work, previously she has also said that she has always believed me, but this contradicted the things she was now saying. She also then discharged me, without saying why but I am still in pain and needing pain relief? I do not understand why the last few visits to pain clinic have been like they are.
I found out in 2012 that doctors did not believe me, when I got a copy of my medical notes, I saw a doctor had written nothing is ever found. They were talking to me sometimes in a manner I could not understand, and this continued after I read my notes. I have phone calls recorded of how they would speak to me after the psychologist and before. One reason why I asked to be referred to a psychologist in the first place, I now know not only did they not believe I had Endometriosis/Adenomyosis and had had extensive adhesions, but the Doctors also believed the Morphine did not work. On my Sheffield medical notes, it also says both ovaries have several cysts, I have told my doctors about this, but the gynecologist did not send a copy from Sheffield, as it is not on the copy of the medical notes I have, and Doctors did not ask me for a copy. Only the Psychologist did along with copies of the letters about Endometriosis, Adenomyosis & Extensive Adhesions that he asked for and I took in to show him, he photocopied them but they were not in the copy of the notes I received after I left. The Doctors did not believe the Zoladex worked either. They thought I had been on it twice and did not believe it worked either time. It did not work the second time as I had not been given it, confusion at the hospital. There is a letter apologizing for this mistake. I have also had a polyp found on my bowel at one point when I was referred to a bowel specialist a long time ago. But they said this was minor.
Before Zoladex and surgery 2009 I needed a lot of Morphine. After the last Zoladex injection when the Zoladex started to wear off, I needed a lot more Morphine again, hence when I saw pain clinic and being given slow-release Tramadol and instant relief Tramadol. When I went on Zoladex this helped with the majority of the pain but I still had what turned out to be adhesions strangling my bowel and had stuck to my back. This caused a strangling pain and pulling to my right that went after surgery. During my last pregnancy I could hardly stand from sitting or lying because of the excruciating pain, I had to work through it to stand. Walking was horrendous. When I told a doctor at the Doctors Surgery about the pain, I was told it was being pregnant, but it was much more pain. At the hospital, after a scan, my husband and I were told to discuss abortion as there was something wrong with our unborn daughters’ lungs, enlarged ventricles in the brain, too much fluid etc and they did not know what was wrong. She was born with nothing wrong but maybe it was adhesions they saw.
A Doctor at the Doctors Surgery, during another review, said I am doing things deliberately. I did not think to ask what. She just came out with it.
March 2018….I was at a doctor’s appointment at the doctor’s surgery and I was talking about Adenomyosis and Extensive Adhesions. I cannot remember if I also mentioned Endometriosis but think she said I have Endometriosis; this is confusing as in the past I have been told things like I am convinced I have Endometriosis (written on my medical notes also), I do not have endometriosis etc.
The doctor suddenly sat bolt upright and looked at her computer before looking at me and said there is nothing on your medical notes mentioning this, nothing at all. I sat stunned for a while and then I asked her to look at the letters on their notes, on her computer, dated 2008/2009 & 2010. She read the letters from Sheffield hospital about Extensive Adhesions and the one from Wolverhampton about Adenomyosis and her reply was, “we do not read past paragraph 1 and it does not mean we admit anything”. Is this her just doing that, admitting it? This meeting is recorded.
I spoke to a GP after each laparoscopy and soon after the letters were sent to them. So why did they not believe me, why did they believe whatever they wanted, why was I spoken to like I was by them. When I was/am telling the truth.
The nurse, I usually see at Pain clinic, also had previously said, I cannot remember exact year, there was nothing on my medical notes, nothing at all, after I had mentioned Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Extensive Adhesions. But I could not respond, I think I just froze not sure why I could not respond.
When I first started to go to Pain Clinic, I also remember a man telling me there is never anything found, hadn’t I better snap out of it! My husband with me, said, she had adhesions strangling her bowel and these were removed a couple of weeks ago! The person, sorry I cannot remember if a nurse or doctor looked very uneasy especially as a trainee was also there. He said Um Arr and I cannot remember what he said after this. But he did not write anything about this in his letter afterwards or mention Adhesions, which is confusing why he did not. I do not understand why I just put up with things. I told the Psychologist about it though, he just said people were wrong to speak to me like that, after I had told him about this and about how I had been spoken to by Doctors at the Doctors Surgery after he asked me to tell him.
In 2016 I started to write some things in a book, I have recently found it and although not very long it says about another Doctors review where I was telling the doctor about where the pain was and Endometriosis & Adenomyosis and he said, come in for an internal examination. Why? This is extremely painful, and I would be in even more pain for several days afterwards. Why, when I have been through what the Psychologist did, he does not believe me or know the trauma. He referred to the pain as down there! I keep repeating to doctors some of the pain is in my cervix, uterus and on my right and left side and back, he did not ask me to show him where in my sides. I could point to it exactly in my sides/back where the pain is coming from but not sure if they even ask this. I keep hoping to be believed but now I know he did not. No Doctors have ever asked me to show them where abouts in my sides/back the pain is.
2019…. Why are Doctors speaking to me in the way they are when at every meeting I tell them where the pain is but get spoken to in a not nice manner and they say things that hurt or I am ignored. I stopped telling them where the pain is as it felt pointless, but I cannot remember when, but I think it is recorded. I think it was before the doctor told me there was nothing on my medical notes about Endometriosis/Adenomyosis & Adhesions. Do they also believe what the Psychologist did?
February 2020……At a doctor’s appointment for a review, the Doctor asked, when I told him about also using CBD products, does it work better than the Tramadol. My daughter who was with me did not like the way he said it and why? I replied the same. It helps.
Because of the pain I was in and when the Doctors reduced my pain relief in 2019 without talking to me, my daughter had been looking at pain relief products online and saw CBD products to help, as well as the Tramadol. Since they reduced the 50 mg, I have been using CBD products and continue to use these as well as Tramadol at times.
I had a blood test done at Doctor’s surgery. I was told it had come back normal. I did my own blood test on the same day it did not come back as normal, but something could do with checking further. From my doctors, again, it felt like nothing is ever found! It was done at the same time I was bleeding every day! Not sure if the thing that needed checking had anything to do with bleeding every day but I did not realize it could be an issue for people.
At this review I was also speaking to the Doctor about the 2 letters I had asked another doctor to read on her computer, previously, about Endometriosis/Adenomyosis and Adhesions, when she said to me there was nothing on my medical notes, nothing at all, and what she had replied after she had read them. The doctor ignored this but went on to tell me about an operation I had in 2011 and how they did a procedure to remove Endometriosis. I was not told this had been done. I had and was told at the time a Laparoscopy and the letter I was given and is in the medical notes I have a copy of, is different to the one he was reading, apparently about the same operation and was now on my medical notes. There is also another different letter about this operation, now 3 altogether all saying different things. This new letter he was reading is also different to the forms they fill in at the time of the operation, I have a copy of forms filled in and given when leaving the hospital. But this one he was reading mentioned a different procedure altogether. Why are they now saying this?
When I had the laparoscopy in 2011 at Wakefield hospital, I was told and is written in the first letter, 1 spec of endometriosis was found. No mention of treatment.
The second letter says several specs of something seen, without looking I cannot remember exact word they used but it was not Endometriosis, no treatment was mentioned or procedure other than a Laparoscopy.
The 3rd letter the Doctor was now reading mentioned a different procedure all together. It was totally different and not mentioned on discharge forms or previous letters. It is not in the original letter or the second one. This letter it said an operation was performed beginning with a D or P. The doctor said, as he referred to the letter look, and enlarged it and showed it to my daughter and myself. I could not read it as I needed to be in front of the computer because of my glasses being dual whatever and needing to read close and I could not get up, I think I froze, but my daughter read it. I was also only 45 minutes from leaving the ward, to having the operation, to being back on the ward! Could they take me to the theatre, do a laparoscopy followed by whatever and then recovery to being back on the ward in 45 minutes? I looked at the clock upon leaving and when waking up…. I do not know why I did this, but it felt like something I needed to do.
After the meeting I asked my daughter what she read and she said she was not going to tell me some of it as it was not very nice, and she did not agree with it. She said it mentioned a procedure that began with a D or P. I did not tell the doctor he could show my daughter the letter, he just showed it to her. As she was sat to my right & facing the doctor on his left side and I was sat next to his desk on the right of it, she could see it clearer when he twisted it around and he had the computer facing her more. I am not sure if the computer could twist around more but as I mentioned before I could not read it unless in front and nearer to the screen anyway but did not tell the doctor this. She started to get upset & cried after she had read it. I do not understand, why would he be showing us a 3rd letter now that was different to the others.
During this meeting, as I have in other meetings with doctors at the doctor’s surgery and at pain clinic, but it was ignored, I mentioned about not wanting anyone else to be hurt by the Psychologist, and the Doctor replied, who the Gynecologist? Why would he say this when he knew I was talking about the Phycologist! I told the Ombudsman there were 2 different letters for same operation both saying different things, but they ignored this, now there are 3…the 3rd one they were not given as it was not in my notes until the Doctor showed my daughter and I 2020. My daughter said the Doctor was deliberately ignoring me when I tried to talk.
The letters, I have told doctors, I showed the Phycologist are about Endometriosis found 1995, (I was not told if the gynecologist tried to remove it but I watched a TV documentary recently and they said there is no cure for Endometriosis), Extensive Adhesions 2008/09 and Adenomyosis (Endometriosis in the uterus) 2010 and I showed them to the Phycologist before the operation in 2011. The Psychologist asked me to take them in when we were talking about them. After this the psychologist changed and got angrier and started rubbing himself up against me. He progressively got worse. thin
I did not know my doctors thought nothing was ever found and the psychologist did not tell me either, at any point in 2010/2011 until I read my medical notes in 2012. All he said was they were wrong to talk to me the way they had. The Psychologist told me; in Autumn 2010 he was speaking to my doctors to ask them what Endometriosis was. I could never understand why he did not ask me. If my GP thought nothing was ever found, what did they tell the Psychologist. He did not write anything in his notes about what they said other than ….without looking it up l think it was delusional and he wrote DR… (from my Doctors Surgery) agrees with him. She was talking to him more so from summer 2011. I am not the one who thought nothing was ever found when it was, and I was not being believed. Endometriosis is not nothing and possibly caused the Adhesions…I had had Zoladex before the operation and it shrinks Endometriosis so it is not seen as told at the hospital.
I do not understand why the Doctor read a letter he says is dated 2011 and is now different and they have added it to my notes since after 2012 when I got a copy of my medical notes, as several organizations including the Police, Ombudsman & a Solicitor have been previously given a copy of my medical notes. I saw the Solicitor, who I thought wanted to stop the Psychologist hurting anyone else. The Ombudsman told me nothing was ever found, and pain was often due to trauma in childhood. The Police, Solicitor and whoever else the Doctors at the doctor’s surgery spoke to also were told & believed nothing was ever found? No one thought to read my medical notes…. I had Adhesions strangling my bowel, Endometriosis/Adenomyosis which is Endometriosis in the Uterus! Zoladex also helped a lot. The Psychologist knew I am telling the truth.
2012 to February 2020 I have not been offered any blood pressure tests etc. at my Doctors Surgery or Pain Clinic, as I am now. The Doctor at the appointment February 2020 was first person to say, it has been a while since you had a check and ask if he could do a blood pressure check. He mentioned about doing a blood test. I am taking strong pain relief should I have been offered this before? Doctors at the Doctors surgery wanted to know what pain relief I was taking, and I told them this. I also told them where the pain is, in the same places, it never moves. I kept repeating hoping to get help, believed, I am not sure why? Until I gave up. I keep having the same image, a child in a cot, crying and nobody comes, it feels like this.
2020 or 2021…Spoke to a doctor who said something about the pain being in my stomach, what, after years of telling them where the pain is. She said it out of context and in an odd way. I once also had an intolerance to cow’s milk, but this went after I stopped drinking cow’s milk on an evening. I was getting a wave like pain and needing the toilet every morning & being sick. I was drinking hot milk before going to bed. The Doctors know this, and I have also written it down. Other than that time when I also had this, it is always in the same areas…. uterus/cervix, right & left side going into my back but a lot worse on my right side. Not sure if this is classed as stomach! They have not at any point asked me to show them where in my right/left side or back. I have also plotted the areas on a figure given to me when I first saw pain clinic. This is on my medical notes & I have a copy of.
Every time I see a doctor at the doctor’s surgery or pain clinic, there seems to be something else. Let alone the trauma of not just what I have been through but knowing there are and will be other women who are and have been abused by the Psychologist. He was/is a monster and being a psychologist too makes this easier for him. Every time I see someone at the Doctors or Pain Clinic, I keep on telling them about what he did, hoping they will do the right thing and help. Tell someone they were wrong, and I am telling the truth. Was the psychologist telling the doctors I was making it up about Endometriosis/Adenomyosis and Adhesions, agreeing with doctors that nothing is ever found, when he knew I was telling the truth. Why will they not tell anyone? I do not want anyone else hurt by the Psychologist, but I do not know who to go to, as those that should eg Police etc, have not believed me or listened or even asked questions. The Psychologist once said, you do not have a voice, he did not say anymore and it was just one of those things he just came out with, not in context at that time. Another person at the Ombudsman told me they keep all information and do not get rid of it; I have always hoped this means they believed me. Now the Doctors know they were wrong & I did and have Endometriosis/ Adenomyosis and had Adhesions, this changes everything, it is evidence so why do they not tell anyone?
I did not get a copy of my medical notes until near the end of the investigations 2012. By then no one would listen to me. Three quarters of what I have read, and the Psychologist wrote (some I have not been allowed to read) is wrong, inaccurate or reworded. I have told people the Psychologist has turned some things inside out and upside down that he wrote. No one listened.
February 2020…. The Doctors act as if there was no investigation in 2012. My daughter said I was just ignored by the last Doctor. This Doctor said he was going to be getting back to me regarding speaking to the Doctor who was communicating with the Phycologist in 2011…she told me I did not have endometriosis, another GP said I am convinced I have endometriosis! I was hoping she would/will do the right thing and tell someone she was wrong. Stop the Phycologist from hurting someone else. The doctor did not get in touch with me about speaking to her.
2020 Pain relief review at doctors’ surgery…. Doctor told me what pain medication I was on, and I said yes. The instant I said yes, he put the phone down, he put it down in a manner that left me questioning why. It was a quick slam down rather than putting the phone down as normal. I rang the surgery up and the Doctor rang back. He said, he thought we had finished. I only replied to his question, there was nothing else to do with a review and he slammed the phone down!
2021…I was getting a review for my pain relief with a Pharmacist at the Doctors Surgery, I was told by the receptionist he was doing reviews now. I assumed it was because of Covid. He gave me an appointment with a new Doctor.
The new Doctor rang & asked me how he could help? He then asked me what is the matter? I think I went quiet. I said, I feel in shock, no Doctors at the doctor’s surgery have spoken like that to me before. It sounds stupid but I did not know how to respond either. He asked me how he could help but I am not used to this.
The Psychologist did not ask how he could help, he told me to tell him everything. His tone was also different.
The new Doctor then asked me what was going on and tell him what happened with the Psychologist. After I had told him, he told me to speak to another Doctor because she was a senior Doctor and could do more, but my first thought was, she did not believe me. But I am still hoping a doctor will tell someone they were wrong, and I am not lying. Hoping they will speak to the Doctor who was speaking to the Psychologist, and she will tell someone she was wrong.
The other doctor rang, I spoke to her and asked her to do the right thing and tell someone they were wrong. She said she would ring after her holiday in a couple of weeks as she thought we needed longer to discuss it. The Friday before Mother’s Day, I received a phone call at 6.30 pm from someone at the Doctors Surgery to say the Doctor could not speak to me but would ring from her home, on her day off, on the following Monday.
She rang for half an hour from her home, telling me she was on holiday. She then suddenly said of course we have always believed you about Endometriosis and proceeded to say, let me look at your notes. She then read a letter; she says was dated October 2008 from Sheffield Hospital. She said it read, because Zoladex had worked the gynecologist thought I had Endometriosis and said I needed a Hysterectomy. This was not what I was told or received on my copy given after that laparoscopy. It is not in the copy of my medical notes I received 2012 or on the copy of my medical notes received from Sheffield Hospital. Or given to the Police, Ombudsman & Solicitor.
The Gynecologist at Sheffield did not say or write Hysterectomy. He wrote Extensive Adhesions were found but did not write a cause. He told me Extensive Adhesions were found and I was told to go on Zoladex again. He did not say because Zoladex had worked, he told my husband and I Extensive Adhesions were found where my small bowel and large bowel meet, and this was where he expected to find Endometriosis. But as he knew, I had been on Zoladex. This shrinks Endometriosis so it cannot be seen.
I have told Doctors in the past that Wolverhampton, where I had a third laparoscopy, said I needed a Hysterectomy after diagnosing Adenomyosis…. I was not told at time of operation I had Adenomyosis, but not until my follow up appointment.
Why would anyone at the doctor’s surgery change or add this letter when the original letters other people, police etc. already have a copy of, it was not in my medical notes received 2012, which they have a copy of….I had the laparoscopy 2008 & another 2010.
I have in the past been told by doctors’ things like I am convinced I have endometriosis and I do not have endometriosis etc. Why would they say this? This is different to what the doctor is now saying.
When I tried to talk it was as if she did not want me to speak and kept shutting me down. She would not let me say, please can someone tell someone they were wrong, and doctors saying nothing is ever found was wrong. She did not want to hear; I do not want anyone else hurt by the psychologist.
She spent a lot of the time repeatedly telling me to write a letter. Why, I have told them everything and I do not think the Police etc. need letters they just need the Doctors to tell them the truth and that they were wrong. I have been telling doctors and pain clinic for years and writing under notes when requesting repeat prescriptions that nothing is ever found is wrong. But this was just ignored. I cannot remember exact words without looking but I was/am hoping a doctor would do the right thing and tell someone they were wrong. It is evidence about how the psychologist was able to do what he did and I do not want anyone else hurt hoping they would care more about stopping the psychologist than them being wrong. It changes everything. Endometriosis/Adenmyosis and extensive adhesions are not nothing is ever found.
She made a point of telling me the new doctor was only there until August. It felt like she did not want me to speak to him in the future.
She also said towards the end, if we did think that nothing was ever found we did not do it on purpose. Whether they have done it on purpose or not, I have said that to the new doctor in the past hoping they would tell someone, it does not make it right though, does it.
At the end she said, if you want to see someone because of your mental health she would refer me. She did not say because of what the psychologist had done, or because of how they have spoken/treated me or anything. She said it in a way that was like when the psychologist said one day, I am just going to get your medical notes and got up to go to the filing cabinet and pulled out a file, saying, no not that one. He then pulled out a very thick file, sat down with it and put it on the table not referring to it. It was at least 4 times the size of the copy of the medical notes he had written, and I got a copy of in 2012. The Psychologist also did a lot of making me feel to blame but I had done nothing wrong and could not understand why.
If I was referred by the doctors at my doctor’s surgery, they could write anything, I could be labeled with anything they want. I have not seen any referral letters unless asked for a copy of my medical notes, so would not know what they had written.
It felt like she had written down what to say and was not going to let me speak but wanted to tell me what she had to say and go. She kept shutting me down and was on the phone half an hour. She did not once ask about the pain due to Endometriosis/ Adenomyosis or the trauma due to what the psychologist did. She did not apologize for treating me the way I was spoken to in the past by herself & other doctors and not believed, for telling everyone nothing was ever found when it was and the trauma this has also caused. As well as the trauma from being abused by a psychologist. One reason why I asked to be referred to the psychologist was because of the way I was being spoken to/treated by doctors at my doctor’s surgery and could not understand why.
A few weeks after I had spoken to this doctor, I asked to speak to the new doctor again, who had told me to speak to a more senior doctor and tell him what the doctor had said. He asked me if I wanted to be referred to pain clinic again as things have changed? What, now doctors know I was/am telling the truth? How can I after what was said to me, I was told and how I have not been believed in the past by pain clinic & doctors at the surgery. How can I if they do not tell anyone they were wrong and I was diagnosed with Endometriosis/Adenomyosis & Extensive Adhesions….I do not want anyone else abused by the psychologist but I do not know what to do or who to speak too.
He then asked if I could see the therapist again after this (I paid privately to see her first in 2013, I think it was and then I got funding to see her) but I said I could not afford it. I also was not sure as she changed after a doctor spoke to her, before they knew I was/am telling the truth. She clearly no longer believed me. I also said I doubt if I would be given any more funding because of how it was last time and the doctor trying not to let me have it. I do not know what the doctor said to the therapist, but I now know they believed nothing was ever found. He asked me if I could see other people, but I can’t remember who he said, I think one was a Gynecologist. I cannot have treatment for Endometriosis/Adenomyosis until the Psychologist is stopped from hurting anyone else.
After I told this doctor what the senior doctor had said/asked me, I said to him she is trying to make me look mad isn’t she and he said yes. I was hoping he would tell someone but maybe he can’t as this would affect his career etc. I have not been believed before or listen to and I am not sure who to go to or what to do. I just know I do not want the psychologist to hurt anyone else. The psychologist said in the beginning, after meetings in which I told him what he wanted me to tell him, you have no voice. He just told me this, not straight after I had told him but randomly at a different time and did not say any more about it. He did this a few times, just say something out of context to what had been said in that meeting and not then say any more about it. I did not think to ask well how do I get one?
In 2012, when I first told people what the Phycologist had done, I was told to see a psychiatrist, to see him about what the Phycologist had done, well that is what my husband and I was told! He first said he was not going to go along with what they had told him to do. The Psychiatrist wrote a letter, but this letter changed from the one he wrote initially, I am not sure if I have a copy of both.
At one point I was writing down all my symptoms and how it was affecting my daily life. I think it was when I had adhesions. I was told to do this, and I am not sure who got a copy, but some people did, Police, Ombudsman etc. If they did not believe I had adhesions or have endometriosis/adenomyosis they must have believed the psychologist & doctors & the people who did the suppose investigation at the NHS, the main one was the psychologist manager who employed him.
I am still hoping a doctor from the doctor’s surgery will do the right thing and tell those that should help that I was/am telling the truth. They have not acknowledged it. I do not want anyone else hurt by the psychologist. But I was just ignored. I do not know what to do or who do I go to as those that should did not believe me, the Police, Ombudsman. What if they do what the doctors have done and do not want to admit they were wrong.
Because of this & because of the way most of the doctors at the surgery and pain clinic have been I am too frightened to tell them about the pain from endometriosis/adenomyosis now & possible adhesions again. I have also been taking anti acids, a 24 hour one and the normal ones when needed every day/night for many years now, I am sure stress is a factor, but unable to see any one for this also. I just wish doctors would tell someone, they were wrong, and I am not making it up. I do not want anyone else abused by the psychologist. I can then change doctors’ surgeries and hopefully be believed and get support with the Endometriosis/ Adenomyosis and hopefully feel like I do now when my daughter & I see a nurse who is giving my daughter help for eczema. I think I felt believed and listened to when the new doctor was telling me to see pain clinic, therapist again etc. but what if he doesn’t? I was hoping he would tell someone, the Police who investigated etc. When the psychologist is no longer able to abuse anyone again, I can then also begin to heal from what the psychologist did.
I was judged by someone at the doctor’s surgery, put in a certain category as the pain clinic once said, and then they have treated/spoken to me whatever way they think. This is not right even if they thought whatever. One reason why I asked to be referred to a psychologist but instead got abused by him. I could not understand why doctors at the doctor’s surgery were treating & speaking to me the way they were but now I know they thought nothing was ever found.
2022 I woke up crying, it feels like the psychologist was like a little boy who was just about to get the toy car he always wanted……this is the way I can describe it. Then he turned into a monster. Sometimes he would be like he was initially and then others a monster. Remembering what he did causes so much as if it is happening now feelings, the fear. I am traumatised by what he did.
But how do you get a voice? I wish I knew what to do, where to turn, to know I would be believed and who would help stop the psychologist hurting anyone else. Knowing, as I was told, I was not the first and I will not be the last.
Abused but not believed 